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The third wheel in your relationship - your phone! Admit it, there’s three of us in most relationships, you, your partner and your mobile phone that never leaves your side. It’s a source of connection, entertainment, work, but also a potential source of suspicion.
Your mobile phone can help you meet someone new, but equally it can be a silent reason you might lose someone you already have. The way we interact in the digital space has changed the rules of fidelity and it’s getting even harder for people to recognise when the lines are being crossed with two-thirds of Brits considering online cheating and physical infidelity equally devastating.
This is why we surveyed 2,000 adults in the UK to uncover attitudes toward online cheating and the role smartphones play in modern relationships. The findings reveal generational shifts, gender differences, and even regional variations in how people navigate digital trust.
Key findings:
💡1 in 10 relationships have fallen apart due to confrontation about suspicious phone activity.
💡18% of respondents have caught their partner engaged in a digital affair with over half of those relationships (59%) breaking up.
💡66% of respondents consider online and physical cheating equally hurtful.
💡Brits are becoming a nation of phone-checkers with 82% of those aged 55-64 never checking their partner’s phone, compared to just 41% of 18-24 year olds.
💡Having two phones (59%), defensive behaviour about device access (50%), and deleted message histories (44%) emerged as the top three suspicious behaviours.
Unfortunately, the digital age has made cheating harder to spot, but it doesn’t make it any less real. Over the past decade, the concept of what constitutes “cheating” has expanded to include a variety of behaviours that might not have been considered cheating a generation ago. DMs on social media, texting, apps and even collaborative notes on iPhones have all become spaces where boundaries are tested.
In essence, online cheating refers to romantic and / or sexual relationships initiated and primarily maintained through online platforms with someone other than your partner. B.L.A. Mileham characterises it by emotional / sexual exclusivity violation, secretive behaviour and consequential impact on trust - regardless of physical contact.
According to Mileham, there are three factors that define online cheating:
1. Emotional or sexual involvement with someone other than your spouse or partner.
2. Secrecy and keeping the relationship hidden from your spouse or partner.
3. The breach of trust through secret messaging online with someone other than your spouse.
Thousands of people have been actively seeking information about online cheating or microcheating as it’s become one of the most debated forms of cheating. It can take many forms, from seemingly innocent interactions to more explicit exchanges that betray the trust in a relationship, for example:
💔 Paying special attention to someone else, commenting on and liking their content on social media.
💔 Forming friendships or relationships online that rivals or surpasses the connection with your partner.
💔 Maintaining contact with ex partners.
💔 Sending unsolicited or reciprocated messages or media content that is flirtatious, romantic or explicit with someone other than a partner (sexting).
To check or not to check—that is the question. And age plays a big role in the answer. While 35% of young adults (18-24) admit to checking their partner’s phone frequently or sometimes, this number plummets to just 5% for those over 65. Meanwhile, the percentage of people who “never” check their partner’s phone increases steadily with age, from 41% among 18-24s to 80% for seniors.
Men, surprisingly, are more likely to check their partner’s phone regularly (10% vs. 4% of women), despite women reporting higher levels of concern over suspicious phone activity. Could it be a case of “guilty minds suspecting others”?
Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that phone-checking behaviour often stems from insecurity rather than actual wrongdoing. But is curiosity worth the risk of breaking trust?
Rebecca Partridge, an accredited counsellor with the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society, says: “It may feel natural to want to check a partner’s phone if there were suspicions, however overall, I believe it causes more harm than good. It is a violation of your partner’s privacy and breaks the trust between you.” Instead she suggests “communicating with your partner about these concerns and seek to have an open conversation with them about this subject and what you're experiencing.”
Once upon a time, catching a partner eyeing someone across the bar was cause for concern. Now, it’s discovering they have a profile on Tinder. According to our survey, 71% of 18-24-year-olds consider having dating apps while in a relationship as cheating, compared to just 56% of those over 65. Women are also more likely to view dating apps as a betrayal (74% vs. 54% of men), highlighting how digital infidelity is often perceived differently between genders.
But why the generational divide? Younger people have grown up in an era where dating apps are a default, not a novelty. The accessibility of potential connections makes digital cheating feel more tangible—and, for many, more threatening—than a wandering eye in real life.
When it comes to raising suspicions, there are clear behaviours that emerged across 2,000 respondents.
Amongst these suspicions, we also uncovered that 36% of iPhone users, vs. 30% of Android users, find it most suspicious if their partner had a heart emoji next to a name in their contacts ❤️, whilst 33% of respondents said that if their partner refused to add them as a friend on social media, they would find this suspicious behaviour.
This comes as no surprise because social media is a huge part of our lives, serving as a platform to stay connected, communicate and share life updates. So for your partner not to include you in this would be somewhat of a red flag! However, what we found surprising was that only a mere 29% of respondents agreed that their partner having password protected apps, e.g. WhatsApp, would be suspicious - this is clearly a sight that your partner is hiding something from you.
Not to mention that 39% said that their partner not letting their mobile phone out of sight would also be a cause for concern, and we’re not talking about just taking their phone to the toilet, but literally everywhere. However, keeping a phone face down would logically suggest secrecy, but according to our survey it seems to be a common behaviour these days to simply signal to people that you don’t want to be distracted by your phone.
Rebecca Patridge adds: “Smartphones can enhance relationships in terms of being able to have close communication with a partner throughout the day however there is also a suggestion that 'technopherance' can affect our ability to be present with a partner as we are distracted by our devices. Being distracted by our phones pulls us away from being present with our partner and makes us less available to interpret their verbal and non-verbal communication.”
It turns out saying “I do” also means saying “I trust you” when it comes to smartphones. Our survey found that 75% of married people never check their partner’s phone, compared to those in newer relationships who are far more likely to snoop. Additionally, married couples are more likely to share phone access, with 86% reporting that they can use their partner’s phone freely.
This suggests that trust grows over time—or perhaps that the paranoia of the honeymoon phase eventually fades. For newer couples, the mix of uncertainty and digital temptation creates an environment where suspicion can easily take root.
The survey also found 18% of adults admitted to catching their partner engaging in a digital affair, and nearly 60% of those relationships ended as a result.
Qualified Relationship Coach, Therapist and NLP Practitioner John Kenny elaborates: “It [online cheating] isn't always happening in order for it to go further, meeting up and making it a physical space. It can be seen as a 'safer' way of cheating without some fears of being caught out."
But, in my experience, obviously because people are seeing me for this reason, it will nearly always come out (the longest it has been hidden, but has surfaced later is 10 years).“ Similarly, suspicious phone activity was the reason for breakups in 1 in 10 relationships. Moreover, 7% of adults admitted feeling uncomfortable about confronting their partner over suspicious phone activity. It’s fair to say, being in a situation where you suspect your partner isn’t easy to navigate.
Counsellor Becky Partridge advises: “If a couple both genuinely want to stay together after online cheating, communication is the key to building trust. Both partners will need to be able to hear what the other is saying and decide on a way forward together. As part of a plan, it will be important to focus on transparency and setting appropriate boundaries around online behaviours. I would suggest the involvement of a professional counsellor to aid communication, encourage accountability and promote recognition of the reasons behind the infidelity.”
If you live in London, you might be more likely to keep tabs on your partner’s digital habits. The capital shows higher rates of phone-checking (20% sometimes vs. a 10% national average) and online affair incidents (15% vs. 10%).
Conversely, northern regions report lower levels of digital snooping and social media monitoring. Could this be due to lifestyle differences, relationship expectations, or simply the fast-paced, hyper-connected nature of city life? Whatever the reason, if you’re dating in London, be prepared for a little extra scrutiny.
We turned to an accredited counselor to find the best routes to define digital boundaries as it’s super important to identify what you both are and are not comfortable with in the digital realm.
A good place to start would be focusing on the following:
1. Have an open conversation about what online behaviours you both consider acceptable.
2. Prioritise transparency over snooping and have a direct conversation about any concerns as phone-checking often stems from insecurities rather than actual wrongdoing.
3. Privacy is still important so understand the difference between maintaining personal space and engaging in secretive behavior that undermines trust.
4. Be mindful of how your digital interactions impact your partner.
With social media and messaging apps making secret communication easier, we wanted to know how couples can set boundaries to maintain trust. Rebecca Partridge explained: “In maintaining trust around social media and messaging apps, it is beneficial for couples to define what digital infidelity means thereby setting boundaries of what they expect within the relationship. Communication and ownership of behaviour is also useful.“
With this in mind, remember the digital age has added so many new complexities to relationship trust, but the fundamentals remain the same: open communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries are all key to maintaining healthy relationships. Whether you’re among the 85% who would give their partner free phone access or prefer stricter privacy boundaries, what matters most is that both partners are comfortable with and respect these boundaries.
Remember, while our research shows various warning signs, context is crucial. What matters most isn’t the specific behaviour but the open dialogue between partners about their digital boundaries and expectations.
Methodology
The survey was commissioned by Compare and Recycle and conducted by OnePoll in January 2025 with a sample size of 2,000 adults in the UK.
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